To put into language the feelings of loss is tough. Almost awkward and impossible. And thus exhausting. Grief is exhausting.

Death is final. There is almost No relief. And your brain can’t catch up. Your body feels it and you in anguish, Desperately try to make it make sense. Some people stop trying to make it make sense. I have felt both the work of explanation and the surrender to confusion.

Yet in this confusion, some people want to numb that exhaustion and awkward pain…so they choose to zone out, work a shit ton, drink or choose anything other than sobriety. For others, we intentionally move forward. With the pain, that’s manageable. One sober step at a time. And it’s the hardest and most beautiful journey ahead.

Without the intention to move forward slowly, some people convince themselves to simply “move on”. I wish the term was called “move away”. Maybe “move and ignore”. Perhaps that Would Capture what you’re actually doing. What you don’t process, you carry. And Gosh, that’s a heavy load to carry.

Which I’m convinced those move away/move ignore types have superpowers in compartmentalizing how they feel. Maybe ignoring for survival. Maybe it’s how they were taught. Maybe it’s all they know how to do. Maybe they think that’s what the tough people do. Or happy people do. I get it. We’re all trying our best. No one wants to feel the hard. Why? Well, cause it’s hard. The brain doesn’t like pain. It actually tries to avoid it. Addictions are powerful that way.

This is where the idea of the addiction to food may come into play. It’s so easy to eat food when we are in emotional pain. As it’s easy to hide in plain sight with food. Eating food is a normal, appropriate, and acceptable behavior. It’s easy to eat food to numb pain without getting into trouble socially. Yet your health and mental stability could be harmed. And you’re left feeling ashamed and guilty. And the internal noise is Loud. Which creates more pain and the cycle continues.

In order to break the cycle of addiction, safe spaces are needed. A safe place to be seen, without judgment and love and kindness to be applied. With food addictions, it’s vital you find your safe space to know you’re doing the best you can and you’re not doing anything wrong. I see you. And you’re amazing. A question to Ask yourself, am I eating because I am hungry? Or am I eating because I’m in pain?